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Anthony Occhipinti

From a grieving Father...

Losing my daughter is without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. Losing a child is not supposed to happen, right? Your child is supposed to plan your funeral and lay you to rest. In a perfect world that is true, but this is not a perfect world and we do not live perfect lives. Even though we make the effort, it is impossible for anyone to live a perfect life. It’s a fantasy, it’s not real, yet we strive to live that way, we can try to take control, manipulate circumstances, work so hard and tirelessly only to fall short, real short of the perfect life that we can create in our minds.


Well then all of this seems hopeless, right? If not everything can go my way then why try so hard, or try at all to make our lives go according to our dreams? Maybe that’s ok, perhaps trying to make something happen, to force our lives to go a certain direction and find the perfect path to happiness, prosperity and all these things we’re taught we need by society and culture to make our lives purposeful is not the right thing for us, is not my purpose or yours.


I would’ve never chosen this path, my daughter dying, who would? Well I didn’t, but it’s reality, my reality, my wife’s reality, there is not a thing her or I can do to change it. I am not the author of my story, not only can I not write my own story for my life but I also cannot rewrite it. So what do I do, how do I make this go away?



Do I pretend like it never happened? Do I choose to not talk about it? In other words do I live a lie? Do I put on a mask and be someone I’m not? Do I put on a facade? If that’s what people around me expect then they will surely be disappointed. I cannot apologize for my reality, this part of my identity that I didn’t choose, a daddy without his daughter, a parent without his child living in this world with him. I want to protect her, but she’s not here to protect, I want to hold her but she’s not here for me to hold. That’s not all I am but it’s a big part of my identity and I refuse to pretend that it’s not, and I can’t and won’t apologize for that, even if it makes others uncomfortable. Comfort is a part of this so-called perfect life we cannot obtain this side of eternity. Talking about my child whether she’s living or passed on will not be uncomfortable to me. I will not live according to societal norms and culture that teaches to stay away from discussing a taboo subject that should never be taboo in the first place. My daughter is my child no matter what, how dare I not talk about her if I want to, my love for her makes me want to.


I am not and will never be the author of my story, but the One who is, He’s perfect. Did God cause my daughter to die on purpose? Was her death part of His plan? I am not convinced of that. Then how did this part of the story happen if the author, God did not put it there? The better question may be why did God allow this? I’ve asked Him, no answer yet. I do know this, God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them. What I suffer now is nothing compared to the glory God will reveal later. Yes, I live an imperfect life according to the standard of society, I am wounded and broken, I have trials and challenges, it may be this way my whole life in this world. Is it hopeless? No, certainly not. I will be with Isabella in Heaven, her and I will not be separated forever, just like God and his children will not be separated forever, it’s just a temporary situation. While I’m waiting, I know that God’s grace is sufficient.


Bella's Dad.


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